I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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