I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
