I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
