I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
