I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
