I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
