I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
