my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
bring money and cleavage
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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