So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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