I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
