I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
