the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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