I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
