Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry about my life...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
