Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
