My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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