The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
