Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
