You can't motorboat a personality
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
