I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
