I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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