Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just want to make out with him forever
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
