I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
