His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
