1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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