omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
