I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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