Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
