Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
