I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
