Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
