i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
