My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
