his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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