i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
