I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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