I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
