It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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