I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
