that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
