Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
