I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
