a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
