Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
