you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
