i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
