There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
