i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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