I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
