i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
