If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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