They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
