I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
